Troubled

So, I have renewed my faith in Christ very recently, and I can't blame my husband for being skeptical. I mean, I've done this now several times, and each time I have fallen away.  What kind of commitment does that look like to him? And then to demand that he make that same commitment. He's probably like "lady, are you serious?".  So this has been weighing heavily on my heart lately.  What do I do? Do I just give up my faith and renounce my belief because it can never include Clint? Do I...leave him? I mean, I could never do that, but I can't lie and say that horrible thought hasn't grazed my mind. So this where I'm at...

Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.  ~ 1 John 2:6

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. ~John 14:15

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. ~Romans 6:4

I take this to mean I must live by action...I must be a living example of Christ for my husband and for others.  I could sit and stew, I could give it all up and just go back to the darkness I was in, or I can love him unconditionally, stand by him, and be an example of Christ-like love.  So here is my prayer...

Jesus, please help me in the feat.  I haven't the strength or the will to do it on my own, but with Your help, I know I can.  Help me serve my husband and submit to him, yet still lead him along this path that leads to You.  When he makes even the slightest attempt to reach You, grab him.  And please, help me deal with my emotions along this road.  In our Heavenly father's name I pray, AMEN.